My New Ride!

OK, OK -- I know I don't have a job! But I do have a new car to drive when I get one!!! Actually it's 'new to me' (a/k/a used) and I love it!

We bought the car from a really sweet family who live 70 or so miles away. They were delightful to work with on the sale and we enjoyed meeting them when we picked it up. This was certainly a much better experience than buying through a dealership. I really enjoy meeting nice people.

I'm still trying to find my "purpose". Being creative, especially sewing, would be great. Today I remade an old shower curtain into a window curtain for the bathroom. There's a lot of stuff online about "redux" -- re-purposing discarded or outdated things into new stuff (a/k/a recycling). I have another old shower curtain of really soft waffle weave cotton. It'll make a great throw for my Kylee's sofa. I'm going to start taking before and after photos for online tutorials on my new (so far imaginary) craft blog.

We've All Got To Have A Little Fun (rated-R)

This is Patriotic in a different kind of way. LOL!

SquareSpace

Looks like I'm going to start a website on SquareSpace.

MOVIE -- Lions for Lambs

I just watched Lions for Lambs "On Demand" -- I had never heard of this movie until my husband rented it tonight. I'd have thought such a well done and timely film would have been the topic of conversations and blog posts. Or maybe I just haven't been paying attention.

When the movie started I tried to ignore it (busy "Stumbling" online). It grabbed me when soldiers were being killed. Usually I leave the room when that happens (ostrich syndrome); but I could see there was a meaningful story being told.

Here's the synopsis from imdb.com. The recommendations "If you enjoyed this title, our database also recommends: X-Men, Spider Man, Transformers" ??? Huh?

Anyway, it's a good movie.

Please view this "trailer" for the upcoming video "Warriors. . .in their own words". Be prepared to weep.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Sgt. Marcus C. Mathes, KIA Iraq (also served in Afghanistan), April 28, 2008, laid to rest Florida National Cemetery, Bushnell, Florida, May 7, 2008.

Yesterday I attended Sgt. Mathes' funeral in Dade City, Florida. In a private meeting with the family, the Brigadier General sent from Ft. Drum and the Lt. Col. serving as CAO for Julia Mathes, Sgt. Mathes' widow, presented the Purple Heart to Julia and flags in engraved boxes to his parents. I made the Blue Star presentation to Sgt. Mathes' mother, father and to Julia.

The Patriot Guard riders stood proud as they always do --- what a great group of people. I'm getting to know them better at each funeral though I wish I would never see them again. Billboy offered me the back seat of his motorcycle again but this time I didn't "seize the day." As soon as the procession started I wished that I had. Next time I will. I wish there would never be a next time.

Sgt. Mathes' mother invited me to attend a Celebration of Life event for her son next Saturday. I told her that I would be there and I will. She was very composed throughout the services, as most parents are. Being a mother for 20+ years teaches us that life isn't fair, that we can't change things like this, that we must be strong; we grieve alone. The young widows are always racked with sobbing and I know they are thinking, "Why, why, why." When my father died when I was 34 it felt that if I could just cry hard enough, long enough, exhaust myself with grief, that he would come back. When my mother died four years later I knew no amount of tears would ease my pain or produce a miracle.

Sgt. Mathes' father and I talked about "getting it" --- how people outside the military community just don't "get it." They don't understand why these men and women willingly sacrifice their own lives so that others can live free. Mr. Mathes and I "get it" --- because we know soldiers, we know heroes. In his last e-mail, Sgt. Mathes wrote: "I am having a blast over here." It was the same with my boys. They loved what they were doing and were proud to do it. I was fortunate to have both of my sons safely return to the USA. Not so for too many families.

In Warriors, one of the soldiers says, "because I can." That's why I will continue to attend every soldier's funeral -- because I can.

Life In The Slow Lane

I LOVE NOT WORKING! I know I can't get too comfortable staying home, but for a few weeks I'm going to revel in it! Oops...is it okay to hit the wine at 6 pm on a weekday? Yep, I think it is.

My resume is almost ready to start posting. There is a job exactly suited to me on Monster. That's where I got the last job. I did learn a lot at the "mean people place" so it wasn't an entirely bad experience. Hopefully I still have a few of the friends I made there. No more humiliation, though. Every job I've ever had has ended up with some kind of bad feeling. It must be me because I'm the only common denominator. I'm learning. Old dog -- old tricks. I blame my mother.

Every time a DOD announcement comes through my e-mail I cringe. Sometimes I want to walk away from this responsibility. But if I do then someone else has to take it on. It is very depressing for a depressed person to constantly be dealing with death. Especially the death of other military parents' children. "There but for the grace of God . . ." But what saved mine?Speaking of "mine," here's The Photo (preggie is in the middle, obviously). Isn't it funny? That's Kris by the groom, looking like he has a gigantic headache, and Austin, far right. Kris is 6', my husband is 6'2", so you can imagine how HUGE Austin is. He works out constantly now that he is in the Wounded Troops Program. If only they'd just let him COME HOME! That's when I will really feel relieved -- when Austin is home in Our Town!

Grandmother stuff: she had her first dr. apptmt. today and the little one is due Jan 2, 2009. We will hope for a 2008 tax deduction, but have so many "Christmas" birthdays already. So far the concept of a baby coming our way is too surreal. I think that and having abruptly quit my job has my head spinning. Or is it the wine?

"Take This Job And Shove It"

I wish I'd thought to say "take this job and shove it" yesterday at work when I finally had "ENOUGH", packed my stuff and went home. Mean people suck but I don't have to work for them.

More importantly, I'm going to be a GRANDMOTHER!!!! Our daughter who got married in Jan. is expecting a baby in Jan. 09!!!!

THE WAR

SADLY there have been six soldiers from Florida killed in Iraq since April 1, the date I took over the duties of arranging Gold Star Banner presentations on behalf of the Florida Blue Star Mothers. Since I was unable to attend any of the funerals other wonderful people made the presentations.

Mamaw

Today my mother-in-law was buried next to her "only love" --- my husband's father, who died 32 years ago. "Mamaw" had left specific instructions about her funeral service which were followed to the letter. The service was very simple yet very beautiful. I've never sang Amazing Grace with so much "feeling" before. Not having been blessed with a singing voice, I usually sing very softly -- for the benefit of those around me -- but not today.

My mother-in-law had "suffered" from Alzheimer's disease for five to six years. She'd been a very independent woman until her first symptoms appeared. But what she really suffered from was her family; her own children and grand children. Most families who have had a loved one with Alzheimer's know that most of the suffering is done by the family; the Alzheimer's "sufferer" is usually in a "happy place."

My mother-in-law was a dear, sweet woman. Her faith in God never wavered. She would do anything for anybody in the name of God. In our small town she was known as "that sweet Midge Ross."

We, her family, did not always serve her well. Without bringing skeletons out of the closed, I will say that my mother-in-law was not blessed with "good" children. Her daughter abused her emotionally and financially until the day of her death (March 20, 2008); her son, my husband, put her through "hell" during his addictive years --- before we met. Perhaps worst of all, I abused her by disassociating myself and my family from her daughter's family because of my own set of ideals and standards; my "code of honor," if you will.

When my two sons were in Iraq at the same time in 07, it occurred to me that perhaps it was that "code", those very ideals and standards, my unsuppressable need for justice passed on to my children, that put them in to harm's way. I have always had such a strong sense of right versus wrong, good versus evil; my life has been (figurative, never literally) black or white with NO shades of gray. That's not to say that I have lived any where near a perfect life--- very far from it.

Inherited from my father is my need to give. If I see someone in need, I will stop and try to help them (which really makes my husband angry). If I learn of a financial hardship, I will do what I can to provide resources. On a trip years ago to New York City, I saw a homeless man across the street and tried so hard to give him the 1/2 of my turkey sandwich I had in a to-go box from the "All Star Sports Cafe" on Times Square (his homeless/my extravagance). He didn't want my sandwich. When the family and friends who were with me saw what I was doing they ran across the street to "save me." I just wanted to save the homeless man. Or at least ease his hunger pains.

In my opinion, no one should ever hold themselves up as "better than" anyone else based on their financial status, job, material possessions, the automobile they drive. NO ONE is any better than anyone else -- Period.

Maintaining these standards and ideals has not always served me well. I have burned many bridges because people have violated "my" code. My husband's sister and her family not only violated "my" code, but society's "rules" of decent behavior.

In my mind they became people with whom who I could not allow myself or my (albeit "grown") children to associate (though they make their own decisions). We tried over the years to be examples for this family, we provided financial assistance to them, we "mentored" them, we tolerated as much as we could. We reached a point where "enough was enough."

Yet, I myself violated my own "code" by not spending holidays with my mother-in-laws' family; thus causing her heartache. All she asked of us in the last few years was "to just get along." But too much had been said, done, allowed to happen. Was it worth it for me and mine to stand firm if the result was to deny a sweet old woman a few hours of pleasure with all of her family by her side a few times a year. Probably not. Definitely not. I stand ashamed.

Sad Times

You all will remember Kayli, Austin's girlfriend before, during and for a short while after his deployment. She's such a sweetie and I felt so bad they didn't stay together. She and I are still in touch and I'm sorry to tell you that Kayli lost her father yesterday.

We had been IM'ing on Sunday and she knew it "wouldn't be long," but he went very quickly early Monday morning. Kayli is relieved that her Dad is no longer suffering and assures me that she and her sister have lots of family and friends to help them out with whatever they need. Kayli was definitely "Daddy's girl." She spent three years attending college in Kansas on a basketball scholarship but went home when her father became ill. He had gotten better and she went back to school Fall 07, only to have to return home at the start of her last semester. She's diligently finishing her classes by e-mail and will graduate in May.

My heart is breaking for her. We talked on the phone yesterday afternoon and for a 22 year old who just lost her father she is handling it remarkably well. She'll still need lots of comfort and strength as she gets accustomed to live without her Dad.

PPDDS

Parental Post Deployment Distress Syndrome

Today was Parade Day in our town. I took the day off to watch the parade with friends I've watched it with for many, many years. Our church youth group always sells "chairs", snacks and drinks in this particular spot to earn money for their summer trips. So many past Parade Days me and my kids were the "workers", though usually one or the other of them were in the parade. It was a bit sad to walk down there by myself, without them.

But worse was when the High School ROTC marched by. As soon as I saw them come in to view I turned my back and said to the two friends I was talking to, "this is going to make me cry." Cry was too mild a word to describe what happened to me. I did cry, heavingly so, and I trembled and became lightheaded. These two friends patted me on the back and said soothing things and it (and the ROTC) passed in just a few minutes.

It is hard to say exactly what about seeing those young people in their Army ROTC uniforms set off this "event." Was it a reminder of the years that Kris and Austin were in the ROTC and that I miss them so much? Was it the reality that some of those cadets would soon be joining the "real" Army and going off to war? Was it just a reminder of the military that got too close to me? Or a longing for my life when all of my children were home and I was Mom?

Most likely it was a combination of all of these and possibly more. "Parental Post Deployment Distress Syndrome" is what it felt like. Not to diminish the very serious PTSD suffered by those who have served in Iraq and Afghanistan, but I believe that I, and many mothers who have lived through one or more deployments, also experience residual suffering.

In total, as a mother and a mother-in-law, I have "survived" five deployments; the last with both of my sons in Iraq at the same time. Mothers cannot endure such emotional distress during the deployment(s) and have it just vanish when our children are back safe in the US. We just can't do it. Yes, the fear of impending tragedy goes away as soon as they return. But the experience of living in complete fear for so long leaves emotional scars on all of us.

No News Is Still Good News

Since I haven't posted in an entire month, you know there have been no soldiers' funerals in Florida. Unfortunately there were three lost who were from Florida but their services were held elsewhere.

Sorry to drop the blog, but it has become an uncomfortable place to "return to."

A Bitter-Sweet Day

Post Script: I'm dressed now and ready to go, let's get in the car, I know you can all fit in the passenger seat. Please go read this amazing poem written by my friend Jan Zabel (she's British but I love her anyway). http://bearcreekledger.com/2007/11/15/from-a-blue-star-to-gold-star-mom/

Kylee and Cal will be home soon from their honeymoon. My husband just left to pick them up at the airport. Hopefully they'll want to open their presents here with us before going to their house. I've really missed them this long week. I always turn to Kylee when I need anything -- encouragement, hugs, smile, fun, love, help. . . all week I've "turned to her" but she's not been there. She's been having a fantastic time cruising the Eastern Caribbean all week with her husband. (Now that sounds weird --- "husband").

So we'll have fun and laughs with them for a while and then I'm off to yet another soldier's funeral.

I'm typing this post "as I go." I'm printing information to include in the condolence packages for the family of Fallen Hero Army Specialist Richard B. Burress.

NAPLES, Fla. — A 25-year-old soldier whose family said he joined the army to add “focus and direction” to his life was killed in Iraq after his vehicle was struck by an explosive, officials said Jan. 21.

Spc. Richard B. Burress, of Naples, died Jan. 19 in Al Jabour, Iraq, the Department of Defense said.

Family members said Burress enjoyed the “simple things” in life — fishing, canoeing and spending time with loved ones, including his daughter, Alyssa.

“His easygoing manner and natural warmth instantly endeared [him] to all who met him,” his family said in a statement.

Burress was “a reluctant hero,” his family said, who “didn’t want to be recognized for his service and was deeply touched by the many thanks he received from strangers.”

Burress was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 30th Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 3rd Infantry Division, out of Fort Stewart, Ga. (from the Associated Press article).

I can only attend the visitation with this grieving family since my employer does not approve of me taking time off to attend the funerals -- Spc. Burress' funeral is tomorrow, a Monday, a no-no to my employer. I don't get it. From my personal experience with loss, the visitation is easier to get through for the family while the final goodbyes of the burial are almost an incomprehensible blurr. I still would like to be there. Not long ago I stood about 20 feet from a mother who was "supported" by a Brigadier General and a Major --- they let her fall to the ground. Now I stand closer.

Never having studied poetry but having heard the Robert Frost line "I have miles to go before a sleep," I've 325 miles to drive, tears to shed, words to be read, condolences to spread, before I go to bed; yet safely I will return to mine and you to yours, their dear son, well, he . . . enough said. So ride with me and take whatever comfort we can to this grieving family.

They send another son off to Iraq in a few weeks.

Well, we had a wedding!

One that anyone in attendance will likely never forget! This post is worth reading, so keep going.

My best friend Ann and three of her daughters came up from South Florida to spend the weekend with me and worked so hard to make everything perfect. Kylee's mother-in-law went beyond what is expected of the mother of the groom. She and HER mother made all the bouquets, the boutonnières, pew bows, table clothes -- she even made her son's vest. My sister-in-law and a friend were at my house to help Kylee and all the girls get pretty. The photographers came over and took photos of the various stages of readiness.

When we left the house I kept saying "I don't want it to be over." All the months of preparation and anticipation culminate in one precious evening. I wanted the emotion I was feeling to last longer than that.

We all got to the church on time! When most of the guests were seated we played "What A Wonderful World" (recorded by Louis Armstrong) to let everyone know the wedding was about to begin. The grandmothers and mothers were seated to "Over the Rainbow" (recorded by Ray Charles and Johnny Mathis). Then our friend Lori sang "In My Daughter's Eyes" which has been Kylee and my "mother/daughter" song for years. Kylee made me a garden stepping stone imprinted with "In My Mother's Eyes."

The bridal party came in as couples to "Your Guardian Angel" then the guys went to the right, girls to the left, and the most precious flower girl ever spinkled petals down the aisle. Kylee's brother Kris "gave her away", walking down the aisle to "Smother Me". Kris tried so hard not to cry but he was obviously very emotional.

Kylee has a great relationship with our pastor and he knew just how to keep her as calm as possible. Kylee and Cal exchanged vows and rings and everything was truly magical. The pastor gave his "wedding talk" and was just about to pronounced them husband and wife when DOWN went one of the groomsmen! And I mean DOWN! I listened to the recording of the wedding today and the sound of this young man's head hitting the floor is so loud it's amazing he didn't suffer brain damage.

Kris was sitting behind me. He ran up to help out and it took him and Austin to carry this guy out of the sanctuary because he was out cold and just dead weight --- all 6'5" of him. When he passed out Kylee said "You've got to be kidding; that was supposed to be you" (in an 'I can't believe that just happened' tone of voice) because we all thought Cal would be whoozy and might faint. Cal was great and didn't even seem nervous.

While Alan (let's call him Alan) was being carried out, the pastor said a prayer for him that he would regain consciousness and be able to attend the rest of the wedding. Oh no, he was off to the hospital! We didn't see him again.

Not 20 seconds after the ceremony continued, Cal's sister falls over straight forward and lands on top of the aforementioned precious flower girl. She landed on her chin which busted open and her makeup left a face print on Kylee's train. The poor little flower girl starts crying very loudly because she's just been scared and smooshed. Kylee is sobbing at the alter and everything is out of control.

When I listened to the cd the sound of Kylee's desperate cries just broke my heart -- again. I had gone up to the altar and tried to calm her down but didn't do much good. The pastor quieted everyone down (again), pronounced them husband and wife, told Cal "a kiss would be good right now" and everybody clapped wildly.

Cal had proposed to Kylee at a Hello Goodbye concert to "their" song "It is love". After the pastor "introduced them," this song played and they more or less ran out of the sanctuary --- but to a standing ovation. Kylee was livid! I was stunned and felt like it had to be a bad dream. Five days later I can look back and remember the "good parts" and having the recording helps (except the "bad parts"). I'm going to have the cd copied to have the "bad parts" edited out. It really was a beautiful wedding.

We had a reception at the church with tons of yummy food. A good friend played guitar, harmonica and sang. He even wrote a song just for Kylee and Cal. Unfortunately it took so long for the wedding party to get composed that we were only in the reception for about 15 minutes. Next they got into the limo (a 14-passenger Excursion) for the drive to Tampa where they all were finally able to let loose and enjoy themselves. I called during the trip and they were definitely having fun!




We had reserved the third floor of an Italian restaurant in a crazy part of town, had an open bar, more food, loads of fun; then Cinderella and her Prince had the limo to themselves for the ride to their hotel.

Since there was extra room, Steve and I got to ride in the limo back home --- I love limos!

Please ignore the dirty feet and my Spanx that are showing!!!

The Gratitude Campaign

Why Are People Mean?

Why do people treat each other badly? I guess if we knew exactly why and could fix it we could end all wars and there really would be Peace on Earth.

I had to issue another Mean Person Ticket yesterday. Again to my new boss. I know I'm going to cry while I type this but I probably need to cry anyway --- and I definitely need to write about it.

Yesterday I was finally into the giggly happiness of anticipating my daughter's wedding next Saturday. The ladies I work with were sharing the gaiety with me and I was sure from that time forward every day would be extraordinarily fun. There were some things on my desk I needed to keep in a file for "wedding stuff" and since we're remodeling the offices I couldn't find a file folder to use. I had a cute gift bag in a drawer so I put these things in the bag and stuck a note on the outside "wedding".

Well, being one to never miss an opportunity to be silly and have a little fun, I looked at the bag and the note and I thought --- I'll just write "fund $$ please help" under "wedding" and put the bag next to my desk. Several people walked by, saw the bag, laughed, made a comment such as "I hope you like peanut butter and jelly because that's what you're going to be eating for the next year after paying for two weddings." Then the Sea Hag walked by.

Let me digress...the Sea Hag is a very angry woman whose sole pleasure in life is talking badly about other people. Unfortunately the Sea Hag is very good at Kissing A-s-s and has the new boss thinking she is not evil, and that the rest of are either lesbians, liars, stupid or useless AND perhaps now that I'm an extortionist.

A few minutes after the Sea Hag walked by, the new boss comes to my desk, grabs the bag, throws it in my lap and says very sternly, "Jo Ann, we can't be doing THIS." I said to her retreating back as she storms away, "IT IS A JOKE!". Now keep in mind what the new boss said to me when I asked for an afternoon off to take Austin to the airport after his post-Iraq leave. "I suggest that you take some time to contemplate your commitment to this company and your job. . .we'll meet on ____ for you to give me your decision."

After speaking with a few members of management, I sent this e-mail to the new boss:

I don’t think you handled the “money bag” situation appropriately. Everyone knew it was a joke and it was in no way intended as solicitation. It was just additional humor I was enjoying in anticipation of my daughter’s wedding.

I am a grown woman who has been in the work force for over 30 years and with this company for almost four. I would appreciate being treated in a professional manner.

to which she responded:

Apparently not “everyone” knew it was a joke. I got a complaint about the “money bag”. As far as being professional, I think telling you that we couldn’t do that was in no way unprofessional. What is not appropriate is to have a “money bag” asking for donations for your daughter’s wedding on top of the Partitions in the office – joke or not. (my emphasis)

And we wonder why there is global warming.

Supplement: I found this over at "Running on Empty" --- It's going in a frame on my desk. Next time the boss comes by, I'll be ready for her!

Oh No,,,,,,,,,,,its BOHICA TIME!!

(bend over, here it comes again!)

Winter is on the Way!!!

This morning it was 74 degrees when I got up . . . by tomorrow morning it will be in the low 30s and by Thursday morning DOWN TO 29 DEGREES!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!

Happy New Year!!!! I'm certainly hoping 2008 is better than 2007 was.

Kris & Katie will be here in good ol' PC this week! They are driving their "Harley" truck all the way from Kansas to retrieve their Harley that Steve has "babysat" since Aug 2006. Steve will miss that "Fat Boy". Too bad, so sad. After our experience w/ Jorge I wish none of them would ever ride motorcycles again.

We haven't seen Kris since he returned to the US. They'll stay about a week, drive back to Kansas and then will fly back here a week later for Kylee's wedding. Strange, I know, but Katie has to get back for grad school during that 'tween week. It will be so good to see them both and know they will be "safe" for at least five years. I best be gettin' some grandkids soon too!

I'm sad to say that Austin and Kayli broke up. She's a very sweet girl and I hope we stay in touch for a while. I haven't talked to either of them about the break up but I think it was mostly geographical. Austin has lived in Florida all of his life (other than while in the Army) and as soon as he is discharged he's coming right back to PC. All of Kayli's family is in Washington State and that will always be home for her.

17 days until the wedding! I'm going to cry. . . boo hoo. More later.

Missing my Co-Mothers

This is really silly, but I miss being part of the Stryker mothers' forum. I enjoyed the common bond we shared supporting the 4th Stryker Brigade. Even my assigned "Friend-in-Arms" mom and I have lost touch. The "I know exactly how you feel" is gone. I feel like I stole Home Base in the World Series in a game I had money on. But I wouldn't trade!

Austin is waiting to see if he has a future in the Army. Kris is enjoying his 30+ days of leave. They will both be here soon for Kylee's wedding.

I cannot believe my daughter is getting married in 23 days and the invitations are still not mailed out. She and her sweetie were waiting for Austin to return to the US in July and now are in hurry-up mode because there is no reason to wait. We're not "formal" people so everyone who is invited already knows when and where. We made the invitations ourselves -- not a craft project I would recommend. But they are so darn cute!

The weather has been wonderful here -- definitely a warm Christmas and it looks like a warm New Year's too. We keep turning the air conditioner on, then off, then on, then off.

The rap video that Cpt. Adam Snyder's brother Evan made is posted here, along with the memorial service and other videos that were shown. The service lasted for two hours (the fast forward and rewind were a little tricky on my computer). Evan speaks for quite a while toward the beginning of the service and you should watch at least that part and Evan's video.

After I watched myself speaking I thought "I'll never do that again!" I look so old and frumpy -- but I feel so young and fit. I said "July of 2007" when I should have said "July of 2000." I have a "familial tremor" and noticeably shake all the time. Given the emotions of that day it was much more obvious. I wasn't very nervous, just very sad for this family. Adam was such an all around great person and now he's gone.

I also think -- what gives me the right to speak at these funerals. Most "presenters" read the script and present the banners in 2-3 minutes. For some reason I feel motivated to gather information about the soldier and speak about his accomplishments and read very little of the script. Oh well.

Another Fallen Hero:

As I posted below, Cpt. Snyder's funeral was on Friday, December 14 in Ft. Pierce, Florida. On Saturday, December 15, I attended the funeral of Sgt. Daniel Beougher, 23, Ft. Myers, Florida.

"Danny" was the youngest of four boys -- the only one who chose military service. He had survived two tours in Iraq and one in Afganistan, only to come home and be killed by a drunk driver. He and his wife were within one mile of the family home when a truck crossed the median and struck their vehicle. Danny was pronounced dead at the scene. His wife was critically injured and remained in the hospital for 10 days and was unable to attend his funeral.

After the accident one or two of the people in the truck ran from the scene. One woman remained in the cab of the truck, on the passenger side, but she is suspected of being the driver. The Highway Patrol is investigating.

At Danny's funeral I met his Grandmother Rose. She's a tiny little lady; probably around 75 years old. She has lost a brother, a son (Danny's father) and now a grandson to hit and run drivers. When we met she asked if she could read to me what she was going to read from the podium during the service. We sat down together and she read her brief introduction that she'd written and then took out a piece of paper that she had obviously held on to for a long time. I put my arm around her while she read. When she was finished I told her that what she had chosen was absolutely perfect. That's when she told me about the other accidents.

The Army had chosen to present Danny's family with his Purple Heart and another badge privately in the church library. The Army officers and the family asked me to join them and present the Gold Star banners after the medal presentation. So that's how it happened that day. I told them I am much more comfortable speaking in front of a thousand people than so closely with all of the family (about 20 people), because I was so afraid of disappointing them. Danny's mother-in-law accepted his wife's Gold Star banner. She was so sweet. She hugged me and didn't want to let go.

I stayed for the funeral and then drove the 2 and 1/2 hours back home truly exhausted but thankful to have been allowed the privilege of honoring these two families. After seeing the photos of the graveside service I wish I'd gone along with the Patriot Guard. Next time I will so I have no regrets.

Today I received a response from my new boss on my request to take this afternoon off to take Austin to the airport. She knocked the wind out of me; kicked my legs out from under me; broke my heart. She e-mailed me, "I would recommend you contemplate your commitment to your position and XXX over the next few days and decide if you feel you can honor that commitment. . ." No one has ever questioned my commitment to my job --- in fact, others have always spoken of my passion for my job and my mastery of my responsibilities.

So I cried most of the day; talked to some of the other managers and was assured that I was a valued employee and my dedication to my job is exceptional.

People suck.

Cpt. Adam P. Snyder
November 18, 1981 - December 5, 2007
Honor Grad, West Point Class of 2004
KIA Iraq
"That wars would never start. . ."

Yesterday I attended Cpt. Snyder's funeral. If it can be said that a funeral was "good," this was a good funeral. Adam was an incredible person; truly "the best of the best." I am so thankful to now know so much about him.

The service lasted for two hours. There were many eulogies by people Adam had asked to speak at his funeral in the event of his death in Iraq. The eulogy by Adam's friend Zach Thomas is posted here.

I was so proud to be part of the service. When I arrived at the church Lt.Col. Maddox introduced me to Pastor Dale who made me feel completely welcome. He had me sit up front with the soldiers. There were no less than 800 people at the service -- probably more. Courage came from somewhere and I was able to speak from the podium for about 10 minutes; even got some laughs; but most importantly did my part to honor Cpt. Snyder and his family. I presented the Gold Star banners to Cpt. Snyder's mother and step father privately at their seats in the front row.

Adam's 15 year old brother Evan spoke about his relationship with his brother. He definitely has his brother's sense of humor and charm. Evan made a rap music video about his feelings on the loss of his brother. Here are the words "by FrAZer":

Soldier, Brother, Friend

(Hook)

I love you, my brother; please tell me how you've been
I'll keep you in my heart 'cause without you I can't win
I love you, my brother; but your life had to end
But everyday of my life you'll be my soldier, brother, friend


I have gone crazy--I do not know which way to go
No one can save me. I'm left in life without my bro
You were my friend, and you had told me all you knew
Your life would end, but of this fact you had no clue
You were a soldier--and you were just doin' your duty
No one is bolder. It's folks like you we see in movies
Everyone loved you--not a day goes by without hearin' your name
I'd always trust you. But now you're gone and it's such a shame (Hook)

When I was informed of the burden that I soon would bare
I broke down cryin' and I didn't care 'bout who was there
I felt your presence but I wanted to see you in person
I needed medicine 'cause at that point my heart was hurtin'
And your best friend took me home while we both was cryin'
You may not be here now but tell you what, we both is dyin'
I never got to say I loved you right before you left
And now I'm sittin' here alone at home and in a mess (Hook)

My brother's life was stolen by all these Iraqi thieves
You say, "Can I do anything for you?" Bring my brother back to me
This keeps attackin' me: this truth, this hurt, this love, this pain
He died in a conflict, but now it's conflictin' my brain
We were just startin' to get closer buildin' our relationship
Spent some time talkin' about movies, girls and politics
You'll never meet a better man and I tell you the truth
The Bible says to pray and that's exactly what I'll do (Hook)

Moved

Sweet Relief!

After 15 months in Iraq, Kris arrived in the USA Tuesday evening. We'll get to see him when Kris and Katie are in Florida a few days after Christmas and then again for Kylee's wedding and yet again for Stef's wedding. He sounds GREAT! How sweet it is!

Austin is having fun hanging out with his sister and her fiance. He looks good but his knee keeps him from sitting or standing in one position for very long. I didn't know that his knee injury occurred when the Stryker he was in was "blown up." After seeing the before and after photos I'm glad I didn't know about those (yes, "those", not "that") incidences.

I have taken the Blue Star (3 stars) banners off my car and the house. My life is returning to that of a normal middle-age woman with adult children. We're trying to set a date for Kylee's wedding but things keep getting in the way. Stef's wedding is scheduled for April. Two daughters getting married within a few months --- yikes!

If there were only a word or phrase to describe how my heart felt when I had "children" in Iraq and when I don't --- but all I can say is "sweet relief." Due to their situations it is highly unlikely that either Kris or Austin will be returning to Iraq. Thank God!

Life is good.

OMG! Austin is HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!

We picked him up at the airport three hours ago. I can't believe he's here! We went to dinner w/ him, Cal and Kylee, and I just kept touching him and hugging him and telling him, "you're right here! You're not over THERE or over there, you're right here!" Oh, what a relief it is!!!!!!!!!

When we got back to the house I asked him for another BIG hug. He hugged me and hugged me and hugged me. OMG. There is no "high" available from any drug in the world that could possibly make me happier than I am right now. No amount of lottery winnings; nothing. OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He looks GREAT. He had a lot to tell about his experience in Iraq. He has photos of a lot of the guys in his Company. AND, he was recently promoted to Specialist ---- he didn't even tell us! Surprise! Yeah!

I'm going to bed and will sleep better than I've slept in over a year! I'm sleeping in tomorrow w/ a smile on my face. I couldn't get this smile off my face if I tried. My cheek bones look GREAT! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Austin will be home-home at 6:00 p.m. today!!!!!!! We haven't seen him in eight months!

Three more days until Kris Leaves Iraq!!!

NINE MORE DAYS!

10 More Days 'til he's back in the USA!

Where Have I Been?

Well, that's a good question.

My husband is back at work just four and 1/2 weeks after his triple bypass surgery. His recovery went very well; amazingly well. Modern medicine!

Austin hasn't made it to Florida yet but we're hoping to see him next week for Thanksgiving. He's doing well; he's just waiting for the Army to decide his future. It would be great if he could stay in the Army but have a different MOS.

Kris will be in Iraq for a few more weeks. I'm still holding in that great big sigh! Katie is finishing up her first semester of grad school, bought a new car, and is getting the house ready for Kris to come home --- after 15 months away.

Kylee and Cal have set a date! The March wedding and reception will be on the beach at a restaurant on Anna Maria Island. We're hoping for great weather -- you never know in Florida.

Stef and Jorge are now engaged and have also set a date. Their April wedding and reception will be a very formal affair. So now we're planning TWO spring weddings.

My blogging days are probably numbered. Without all the fear there isn't much to write about. Life is good; and it will be better soon.

Updates:

My husband went back to work less than four weeks after having open heart surgery. He's working just a few hours a day this week. He'll go back close to full time next week. Is that incredible or what? If he hadn't brought an ear infection home from the hospital he probably would have gone back to work last week.

Jorge will be released from the rehabilitation center tomorrow. We're getting together this weekend to welcome him home. It's been almost two months since his motorcycle accident. My husband and I haven't seen him in weeks b/c of my husband's surgery and recovery. It will be great to see him again --- and he's walking!

Austin had surgery last Monday (10/22) and is doing very well. He doesn't call his mother as often as I would like (he just called me after I wrote this). He should be headed this way soon and I can't wait to see my Baby! What a relief it is. Kris will be home in less than 30 days and then then my heart will finally relax. Until then, I'm 1/2 way there!

My new boss seems to be working out very well. Other than saying hello every day I haven't had much contact with her. My job is very autonomous and I "just do it." We're having inventory tomorrow and Friday and somehow it fell in my lap. Now that the witch is gone I really, really love my job.

My "Army Mom Times Three" association might fade away as my sons and daughter-in-law will no longer be serving in Iraq or under any kind of pending deployment. Kris and Katie will be in grad school and then teaching at West Point and hopefully making me some grand kids! It will be great to spend time at West Point again --- when Kris and Katie were in college there it was a really wonderful, prideful time for us as his parents.

It's starting to cool off here in Florida. Our electric bills have been around $300 a month and I'm ready for that to stop. Since we live in an historic house (old) and we're in Florida, we had to go to the state sponsored homeowners' insurance company. Our house payment just went up by $300 a month to make up the escrow shortage. Dang.

Austin is Back in the USA!!!!

Austin is at Ft. Lewis in Washington awaiting knee surgery and most likely will NOT be returning to Iraq; ever.