NEW BLOG!!!

LaLa Land With Jo Ann is my new blog. See you there!

Gotta Stop. . .

In the interest of self-preservation, my therapist told me to stop posting on this blog and limit my total time on the internet to an hour or so a week. I have been incapacitating myself w/ all things military/war related and since it isn't helping my sons and IS harming me, I'm going to stop.

I do plan to start another blog on "happy things," because I do like to write and definitely like to read blogs. Once I do, I'll post the URL here for my favorite readers and commenters. Sgt Dub and Sarge Charlie, "I will miss you the most" (as Dorothy said to the Scarecrow); Dub, when you get home to your family, please let me know you made it safely. Melissa -- you've got a lot of talent and have a great future in front of you and Jim would be so proud! Dixie Chick -- I wish your son safety and I wish you comfort. LAW, you and I will talk via e-mail, Michele -- you're not losing me that easily (and YOUR blog is definitely a Happy Place).

TTFN . . . , "Roger that"

I got my first Thinking Blogger's Award!!!!

Michele at Rocky Mountain Retreat has tagged me with my very first meme!!! WOW, I feel included! Did you know that the feeling of inclusion is extremely important to we humans? One of my favorite people told me about that theory "because without inclusion you have exclusion," and exclusion can feel really sad and lonely. (Side note, I felt excluded at times at the Milbloggers Conference; I still feel somewhat excluded from important issues at work, my children's "real" lives, friendships, women's clubs (for example)). So now I'm forever included in the world of bloggers who have been tagged! Yeah!

Now I've got to tag five other bloggers who make me think. I don't know if I can do that w/o tagging people who have already been tagged (during the time I was excluded (ha-ha)).

How about if I just list them but don't actually tag them -- if I say WHY they make me think?

Cool, Calm and Collected makes me think of how close Melissa was to marrying the man of her dreams and living "happily ever after" only to have her fiance tragically killed in Iraq. She seems wise way beyond her 19 years of age; she has unwaivering Faith.

Sarge Dub makes me think of how it must feel to be living your life as usual and then be snatched away to fight in a war -- twice. That one weekend a month and two weeks in the summer turned into a whole lot more. But he has handled this detour with humor and spirit.

Andi of Andi's World makes me think -- how did she become so well known and yet remain so humble? After watching her perform under pressure at the Milbloggers Conference I would say she "has what it takes" and the grace to share with so many others.

Pat Winter of Pat Winter Gatherings makes me think of how she can make such beautiful creations with needle, thread, ribbon and beads and I can't even get off the couch to sew on a button. Her website probably isn't considered a blog, but it is beautiful (beautiful starts w/ "b" (like blog), so it's okay to include it).

Proud Liberal Army Wife makes me think how very hard it must be to have had her son deployed and now her husband. I think it takes a lot of courage and that good ol' "intestinal fortitude".

There are, of course, many other bloggers who make me think -- Sarge Charlie is one of my favs b/c he's "been there, done that." BadgersForward IS there, doing that, as is Acute Politics.

So Michele, thanks for including me and, because I made you think, I feel so much smarter!

Happy Mother's Day!

My son Kris called today! I hadn't heard his voice since September! He calls his wife and e-mails me. It was 2 a.m. Monday morning in Iraq when he called me. I was so surprised to answer my phone and hear his voice. Kris never talks about "work" in his e-mails so he obviously wouldn't on the phone. I wanted to know what he was having to deal with "on the job," but he wouldn't give me anything. A few weeks ago I asked Katie if Kris' company had lost any soldiers and she said no. They had some serious injuries but no fatalities. I don't know if that is still the case. Katie told me that a battalion commander had been seriously wounded.

Austin's brigade lost their first soldiers this week in Baghdad. All of Ft.XX shares a news network and discussion forum. From it I learned that another brigade from Ft.XX also lost several soldiers this week.

And now this work mess that came out of nowhere. I have been at this company for three years and have never dreaded going to work until now. In fact, I could go in tomorrow and find all my belongings in a box and myself unemployed. And all over nothing except my boss's moods. In my 30+ years in the work force I have never been spoken to so harshly or treated so inhumanely as I was on Friday.

Irony -- the company gave me this laptop for finding my boss and now it too is falling apart. The "," falls off every day and now the "delete" key is history. I think it's because I usually blog outside where twigs, pollen and bits of leaves fall on the keyboard and have gotten stuck. The other night I spilled cherry pie on it. I wonder if it has a warranty. If Mac users can live w/o a delete key I guess I can too. I'd like to delete last Friday.

Cool, Calm & Collected

Cool, Calm & Collected -- Melissa's Beautiful Video tribute to her fiance, a Fallen Hero

Okay, okay!!! I'm back ... brace yourselves!

Thank you all so much for encouraging me to blog again and let my feelings out. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

One of my issues w/ blogging --- I now shake so badly that it has become hard to type (you should see me eat soup). I am so mind-bogglingly scared out of my mind that fear consumes my every waking minute. It's extremely hard to wake up in the morning because when I'm asleep I don't know that my sons are in danger.

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[OBVIOUSLY I REMOVED A LARGE PORTION OF THIS POST TO NOT OFFEND ANYONE WHO ATTENDED TO BLOGGERS CONFERENCE IN DC.]

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Today has been a bad day for me. I was actually sent home from work for questioning my boss's verbal abuse. When I explained that I was emotionally ill equipped to handle her demeaning attitude partly because my two sons are in Iraq -- one in Baghdad with no communication, electricity, running water -- my boss rolled her eyes as if to say "so what." (Note: I whine and cry about my sons on this blog but at work I don't say much at all about them and have asked that if someone sees me crying to just let me be and it will pass. ALSO NOTE -- this woman has been married AND divorced FIVE TIMES and has NO children.)

I just finished reading a book called "How to Work for an Idiot" by John Hoover. To summarize, "kiss your bosses a-s-s no matter how badly he/she behaves." Well, I'm sorry but I've got pride and will NOT heed that advice. My "motto" has always been "To Thine Own Self Be True," and I'm not changing it any time soon.

On my way home I called my most recent former boss (of two years; he left the company when it was sold to a HUGE acquisition company) and he said "even when you are distracted your work is better than 95% of anyone else's." My boss before him tells me he loves me every time he asks me to do some side work for him (hummmmm). My boss before that is still a good friend who I meet for lunch now and then. So I kinda don't think it's me.

Here are some recent comments made to me ABOUT my boss: "She's schizophrenic," "she's driving me f'n crazy," "she's devious," "does she have a heart?," "you never know which personality is going to answer the phone." And that's just during the three days I worked this week.

And get this ---- I helped hire her! I did the phone interviews for candidates who answered our Monster ad for a Controller. I brought her in as my choice to be interviewed by our CFO. Dah. Talk about something biting you in the butt! I won't be able to sit down for months.

And "that's the way it is. Good Day."

Long time, no posts -- I know.

I'm still around, my boys are still ok, and I still live every waking moment in fear.

Once I "get a grip" I will probably start blogging again OR just give it up.

Thanks for checking in on me!

WASHINGTON, DC and NEW YORK CITY

---- HERE I COME!!!!

Thank you all for the encouragement and giving me wings!

I experienced a major panic attack while out with the girlz after work today for "Whine-O Wednesday". By the time I got home I was hysterical and completely convinced that I could NOT go to the Milbloggers Conference because if I panic up there, home isn't just a few miles away.

So I called Stacy (My Soldier Michael) and she assured me that I would have a great time, meet wonderful people and if I panic she and Some Soldier's Mom will distract me and I'll be A-OK. Now I plan to go.

Also, my sister-in-law called a few minutes ago and wants me to go to NYC with her Sunday thru Tuesday because there's a "buyers' show" or whatever they call them where people buy merchandise for their boutiques. For $350 and spending money I can do this too if my employer approves two more days off. Huuummmm.

It's been great to see others bloggers guest blogging or featured on other blogs! Michele (a sweet spirit in the Rockies) is on Sarge Charlie's, as is Cool, Calm and Collected (fiance of fallen hero); Butterfly Wife is on Lemonade Stand; and I'm on Sgt Dub's!

BUT --- I really don't like the photo I took of myself in the Sgt Dub's shirt --- my husband said I looked like a man with boobs. I deleted that post from my blog and had my husband take some photos of me. It's the end of a long day at work, but here I am! It's not a great photo -- I am not photogenic at all -- but it is definitely better than looking like a transvestite.