First, if you have any suggestions on good wines to try, please let me know as my consumption is going to increase. Not for any particular reason. I just like feeling "comfortable numb."

Jan Wesner published an article featuring me in the St. Petersburg Times today. The online version doesn't have the photo and I wanna see the photo real bad. I looked around "our town" and could not find a paper. We are in the next county over from St. Pete and there probably aren't a lot of readers over this way yet. Jan wrote that some parents turn to alcohol or sedatives to cope with their son's deployment and that I turn to support groups such as the Blue Star Mothers. Well I also turn to alcohol AND sedatives to cope with my sons' deployment. I've made several attempts to try to sleep without xanax and give up between 1:30 and 2:00 a.m.

Today I attended Sgt. Britt's funeral in Longwood, FL. It was a very nice service, very sad of course. The CAO had told me yesterday I would be doing a private presentation to the family after the service. When I arrived at the church today the CAO told me there was a change of plans and that I would be doing the presentation before the congregation. The representatives of the Patriot Guard also gave their presentation in the same manner and they did very well (thank you Susan).

One of the reasons I attend the funerals and make the presentations is to permanently imprint the faces of the families in my mind and heart. We sometimes say so casually that "they will never be forgotten" and a few weeks later we cannot remember their names. I've seen so much sorrow over the last two months and I want to honor my vow to never forget these brave soldiers and their families.

I truly feel honored to be allowed into the lives of these families for just a few minutes to show them that we care, that we can only imagine how much they are hurting. And after each presentation (or during it) I cry and cry and cry and it helps me to have a long emotional cry because afterwards I feel somewhat cleansed and ready to face a few more days or weeks of fear for my own children's lives.

During this long weekend I am going to do a lot of nothing. I'm so tired that I could probably sleep until Sunday night.