Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Microderm Abrasion OR Just Calm Down?

I had a choice to make last Saturday and I did NOT choose wisely. All of the stress I have allowed my brain to endure has resulted in my normally clear, clean, smooth face becoming a battlefield (pun intended). Aren't we through w/ zits by 50? OK, 51? And I have so many age spots that nobody calls me "freckle face" any more; it's just "Spotz, can you take a look at this?"

Here is how you can actually relive my very own microderm abrasion treatment. Go to the hardware store and buy some really coarse sandpaper --- you know the kind with gravel embedded in it. Using that, scrape your face off in strips starting at your scalp and work down in 1/4" intervals. Next, do that on your neck (oooh, can you feel it?) Then fall asleep under a 10,000 watt heat lamp for about three hours. Ok, you're almost there.

NOW, WRITE A FRICKIN' CHECK FOR $140!!!!!!! Can you feel THAT?

It's Tuesday, so I had this treatment over three days ago. My face feels like someone poured hot wax (mixed with iron filings) on it and then stuck my head in the freezer. This morning, AFTER thoroughly scrubbing my face in the bath, I looked in the mirror and saw Lon Chaney, Jr. AND Sr. staring back at me --- and THEY were scared! OMG.

I wised up and canceled the rest of my appointments.


Butterfly Wife said...

that sounds really horrible. I'll keep that in mind . . . should I ever be thinking about it.

Mel's Mom said...

Hmmm. Thanks for the heads up! (ouch!)