Wednesday, September 5, 2007

The Diet of Double Deployment

( I love this photo so I'm posting it again.)

My nightly glass (or two) of Chardonnay is sending me to twinkle land early this evening. It could be the lack of food. I've lost over 20 lbs. since my boys went in the Sandbox to play. Not that it is bad thing because I needed to lose 20 lbs. But sometimes real food like meat, veggies, sauces, just are inedible to me so it's nothing or a bowl of cereal for dinner. I do love multi-grain Tostidos or is it Doritos. Whatever it is, we're OUT. That's my after work, after yoga, after whatever snack and sometimes my dinner. Multi-grain tortilla chips and Chardonnay. The diet of double deployment.

I had a HORRIBLE dream about Austin last night. He had, of course, been killed and I could not accept that knowledge and looked all over the world for him. It was an awful feeling, even after I woke up and realized it was just a dream; a nightmare if there ever was one.

Then at work today around 10 a.m. I see "Austin is now online." WOWOWOWOWOWOWOW! I was so excited to KNOW that he was OK. We only had about 15 minutes. He said the computers "there" are on timers. He was also IM'ing w/ Kayli and Kylee. He must be one fast typer.

We actually 'talked' about real war/political issues today. We are both convinced that basic human nature is to blame. Just think about it --- if there were no "bad guys" there would be no war. But what constitutes a "bad guy"? Someone who disagrees with US (no pun intended). We both agree that taking out Saddam was necessary; however, trying to civilize an uncivilized population who think they are going to be rewarded for dying in the act of killing other people? (Cue "Mission Impossible" theme.)

So, what's it all about? Greed, power, subjagation of women. Greed certainly on the part of the US contractors who were supposed to provide services to the US and Iraqi militaries. Power certainly on the part of ANYONE given it. Subjagation of women --- is that their biggest fear? That their women will unveil themselves and demand that they be treated like human beings?

Tonight at yoga when we were finishing up and winding down, my mind kept wandering to BAD places. No matter how hard I tried to focus on my "breath," I had horrible imaginings in my head. I tried to shake them off but back I'd go. It's as though a moment still is a moment of terror. Now even when I sleep.

Ten+ more months to go. At 22 months (15+15 w/ a 9 month overlap) to go I could not imagine living with this feeling of dread and doom for even a few weeks. It's been almost a year now and I'm still alive. Still have a husband, a job, a house, two dogs, three cats, one truck, one suv, a few friends, my health is questionable, but appears OK. My face has probably aged more in the past 11 months (since Kris left) than in the last 11 years. A friend at work and I have made a pact to get mini-facelifts in early 2008. We shook on it -- so I've got to do it.

13 comments:

Former Contractor said...

Here's a good idea for being alone with wine and not be a lush.....wine and cheese.

My favorite is to small-cut some cheese and nibble on it with some cold Gewurztraminer or Johannisburg Reisling wine. (the former is my favorite).

Those wines have a bit of bite that matches oh-so-perfectly with super extra sharp chedder, aged swiss, munster, and tangy roqufort. basically, any hard and strong-flavored cheese with these wines---niiice.

The trick is to also chill the cheese platter after slicing it. And be sure to slice in relativly thin small slices that are narow on thickness but broad on one side so it lays flat on the tounge.

Then bring out the cold wine, the cold cheese, a few toothpicks...and enjoy!

darnit, now I'm hungry.

Sarge Charlie said...

I understand the repost of the photo, looking good mom.... have faith that your soldiers will be safe, and try to get some peaceful rest.

Anonymous said...

I too am looking for kindred spirits to share my feelings with. I have a 22 year old son deployed only 3 weeks. I have been sick, I have cried, and I have had sleepless nights. I have moments when I shudder at the thought of something happening. I am doing good right now and I know it is because of the prayers of my family and friends. I do not watch any news, read a paper, or listen to the news on the radio. This advice was given to me by a female sergeant in my son's unit on deployment day. I tell people that I am living in ignorant bliss. But, if that is what I have to do so be it. I have to be strong for my son. I have talked to him once since he arrived at " where he is supposed to be." I hope he gets his laptop hooked up with some wifi or something so I can chat with him like you do with your sons.

Army Mom Times Three said...

Anonymous

If you'd like, e-mail me!

sjross@tampabay.rr.com

or

jross@everwear.net

Shelly said...

Glad to hear that you heard from Austin.. I love the tea picture, also glad to see you went out and had some fun.. I know about those dark thoughts, I wish they had a pill you could take, we would make millions..

Shelly

Mel's Mom said...

Eat what you need to eat to be what you need to be---how's that for profound and lame all at the same time- but so true =)

Not a Granny said...

I do enjoy a nice cheese with my wine. I also add some grapes and a few strawberries.

That is a great photo, by the way!

Michele said...

Oh Jo Ann... you look beautiful! I would be so lucky to look like you. Oh, and cereal is usually what I have for supper...hehe... I'm just so tired when I get home from work! Or usually I just whip up a couple of scrambled eggs and a piece of toast and there I go! Yeh, talk about lazy, hey?
Now, stop those insane dreams and take it easy. Hope you are doing well. ((Hug))

Claire said...

You look great! I have lost a good chunk of weight too since my husband left for Benning. I call it my double-deployment diet! haha! Really though I had joined the YMCA as stress management and started working out everyday to keep myself sane (well as sane as I ever was). So far it has helped me mentally and physically!

WTG on your weight loss and I am so happy for you that you got to chat with your son. My son was moved to a FOB that does not have much internet access or phone access any more. I am hoping that will change soon, but for now we are on the "no news is good news" mantra!

Claire said...

Doh, my comment should have said "I WILL call it my diet of double deployment!"

Semper Fi Mom said...

Hi Army Momx3, I'm a Marine mom x2. Only one currently deployed. I lost 40 pounds and have kept it off for 7 months, but now that my son is deployed I'm afraid it's going to creep back on. I'm having a hard time avoiding the chocolate. At least I'm still keeping up with my kick boxing. ;)

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