Monday, April 23, 2007

Roget's New Millennium™ Thesaurus - Cite This Source
Main Entry: afraid
Part of Speech: adjective 1
Definition: fearful
Synonyms: abashed, aghast, alarmed, anxious, apprehensive, blanched, cowardly, cowed, daunted, discouraged, disheartened, dismayed, distressed, disturbed, faint-hearted, frightened, frozen, horrified, intimidated, nervous, panic-stricken, perplexed, perturbed, petrified, rattled, run scared*, scared, scared stiff*, shocked, spooked, startled, stunned, suspicious, terrified, terror-stricken, timid, timorous, trembling, upset, worried

These are a few words that come to mind when people ask me, "how are you doing?" Some will give me a pat on the shoulder, a hug, an "everything will be all right." How do they know that everything will be all right? Every day everything isn't all right for some soldier's mom; usually several soldiers' moms. Buck up, suck it up, keep your chin up, get over it, choose to be "happy!"

A package arrived in the mail today from Austin's girlfriend. She sent a couple of his shirts that he wanted us to have. I think one was supposed to be a Christmas gift that he forgot to bring home over the holidays. The other is his long sleeve ARMY PT shirt - he wanted me to have that. I wish she hadn't washed that shirt so I could smell Austin on it; even Austin BO would be great (though he never had BO). She also sent his checks -- his sister has his Power of Attorney so she'll keep those. Before Austin left he asked me to pay his cell phone bill (he'd pay me back) so he could have it disconnected. Sure, of course, $405???? What???? I don't want the money back. It's money he is earning in a WAR.

Next weekend I will attend the Milbloggers Conference in Arlington, VA. It feels a little weird to go to a conference on military blogging. Will my attending make any soldier's life easier? safer? time in the war shorter? No, but I do hope to meet some other mother of deployed soldiers who is as . . . petrified, rattled, run scared*, scared, scared stiff*, shocked, spooked, startled, stunned, suspicious, terrified, terror-stricken, timid, timorous, trembling, upset, worried as I am. To look into the eyes of a mother who knows exactly how I feel, to be able to talk about those feelings and be completely understood would be wonderful. Will "you" be there?

BTW, I don't even know what timorous means but I'm probably it.


Stacy said...

I have been each of those you listed, and when you look into quite of few other Mom's eyes next you will just know. I think we all have that disturbed, disheartened, distressed, horrified, etc...look. You could pick us out of a crowd of thousands.

We all click. There is this bond. You will meet some of the most wonderful people ever next week. Then next year you will be saying this same thing.

I am so excited to get to meet some new Moms. We will need to exchange cell phone numbers before next Thursday so that we can get together.

See you in DC.

Sarge Charlie said...

I wish I could be there. The moms need hugs, I know you keep the upper lip stiff, and smile when you talk about your kids, inside you are screaming let them be safe.... you see, I had a mother also, I know.

liberal army wife said...

wish I could be there. Got open house that weekend.

We are all scared. but it will help to meet others who understand.

As for the others...they don't understand, never will. when they ask you how you are, just tell them, LOUSY! They need to get the truth sometimes.


Butterfly Wife said...

Well talking about being afraid is probably a good step toward getting more control over it than it having more control over you.

I hope you meet some great folks at the conference.

Dixiechick said...

At this point I can't say "I know how you feel" because I don't. But one day, I will be able to say that and truly know.

Actually, I'm not for sure what I feel right now. I am very, very proud of my son for making his decision to enlist in the Marines and I support him 150%. But as the same time I'm scared... I'm not for sure what the right words are for my feelings.

Hope you have a good time connecting with other mothers of brave soldiers. One day I will be there with you.

Michele said...

All I can do is offer you a big hug and a smile and the way you posted your feelings was totally amazing. You are an incredible woman and even though you may not feel it, I do admire your strength. You do have it there because I see it in your words and the ability to express. You are going to do well.
Take care.

Kila said...

How wonderful that you will be able to gather with other moms.

Just sending (((hugs))) and prayers.

Army Mom Times Two said...

I wish I could be there also! Learn a lot for the rest of us, and please pass it all on in your future blogs.
Oh, and...have a great time!

SGT DUB said...

I bet you have fun at the conference. This blogging is amazing and opens up a whole new way to voice, view and reflect on what we are doing. I hope each day is better than the one before until all your children are home.

Some Soldier's Mom said...

Looking forward to meeting you, too! Less than a week -- WHOOOHOOOO!