Thursday, April 5, 2007

She said it best!

Stacy posted a comment to my About Face post --- she explained how "we" feel far better than I ever could. Hopefully she won't mind me posting this on my blog.

"I might be opening up a can of worms here, but here it goes.

It is a different fear that we as parents feel, a different kind of missing them, a different kind of aching in our hearts, a different kind of mourning, a different kind of waiting and waiting on that phone that doesn't ring much because they have spouses and children that they must call before they call parents, but most of all it's a different kind of love that will never change no matter what.

A parent's love can never be measured. We love unconditionally.It's all in the same category, we suffer just like they do. I was fortunate that when my son went to Iraq, I was the one that he always called first and I was the one that he stopped what he was doing whenever he saw me come online, just to talk to me.

It's different but the same. Just one MOM's opinion. Hope I don't make any enemies."

Thank you Stacy.

6 comments:

Butterfly Wife said...

I think Stacy articulated very well what I think I was trying to get at weeks ago in a comment to you. So thank you very much Stacy!!

I may be reading the tone of your son's comment all wrong. But to me, it sounds like he is saying that your feeling are out of proportion to the situation and that spouses have it much worse. I really took his comments to mean that you should be feeling less than what spouses feel. Like I said, I may have the tone wrong. Feel free to correct.

I am a spouse I have now lived in an empty house for over 15 months; I have no human children. I hope no one takes my comments to suggest that I would say that whatever one is feeling deployment should some how be less or more because his/her relationship to the deploying soldier. Your feelings are your feelings. If you want to feel different about a situation, you can change that (not easy, but completely possible).

When I have commented on this topic of parents vs. spouse "suffering", I have only meant to say that what you as a parent are feeling sounds different from what I am feeling as a spouse. In fact, I think that in many respects it must be actually worse for parents (thus my comments about as a spouse I came to this life voluntarily and can get out should I desire; as a parent your "options" are so clear cut).

But this is not a feeling competition. We all suffer. The best we can expect is compassion and understanding.

I am very glad that you are finding some great parents to share with. Still think Parent Buzz would be a great idea. (Sorry for the long comment.)

Army Mom Times Three said...

Hi BW - How this whole thing got started was parents being left out - more suffering/less sufffering - you're right. It doesn't matter.

But parents have NO support out there and are sometimes just written off as undeserving.

Jan Wesner at (Tampabay.com/Standingby) can speak to that very well. LAW knows both sides.

I'd like to help start ParentBuzz. I will make some contacts during this four days of "my time".

One thing I have done is contacted the Florida Chapter of SewMuchComfort. She is having trouble w/ tracking who she's sent what to, etc. and since I'm a database/spreadsheet expert, I'm going to help her --- hopefully take over the actual computer work. I'm meeting her in Orlando on Aug 21 (I think - it's the Sunday of that weekend).

LONG COMMENTS ARE GREAT!

Army Mom Times Three said...

I meant to say "the Florida Chapter President of SewMuchComfort."

Butterfly Wife said...

That sounds great! You are really sounding good. I'm very glad to see you finding some support from people who understand the differences.

Take care. Keep posting. I'm here.

Stacy said...

Thanks BW, and you are right too about the feelings are feelings, and everyone is different.

It can be a very tricky subject, and normally I don't comment, but since Carla at Some Soldiers Mom is out of pocket (she is wonderful at this subject) and dealing with a death in her immediately family, I thought that I would give it a shot. I am always scared that I will step on someone's toes and say the wrong thing, and that is the last thing that I want to do.

Carla and I have talked about ParentBuzz too, and it is something that is going to be discussed at the Milbloging conference next month. The both of you should really try to make it to the conference. It will change your life for sure. I would jump through hoops to make sure I make this conference.

Glad that I have not gotten any ungly comments about my comment. LOL...

Have a Happy Easter.

Army Mom Times Three said...

Butterfly Wife said: I may be reading the tone of your son's comment all wrong. But to me, it sounds like he is saying that your feeling are out of proportion to the situation and that spouses have it much worse. I really took his comments to mean that you should be feeling less than what spouses feel. Like I said, I may have the tone wrong. Feel free to correct.

You are NOT wrong. I think his words are reflecting how much he misses his wife and how much she is missing him. He's also been very open (perhaps too open) with me and has stepped on my feelings many times over the years.

I raised my children to KNOW they had the right to their own opinions on ANY subject -- sometimes they each take it too far. Like the time Kylee referred to her High School science teacher as an "A-hole" close enough for him to heard her - as she intended. When I went to the principal's office to "bail her out" she said, "but Mom, you said I always had the right to my own opinion". I tried to explain to her that what she had done was NOT what I meant.

Kris has always had a "no holds barred" attitude towards me and hurts deeply at times. He's better since he's been married, but while he was at WP he could be brutal. On one visit home he said "just the sounds of your voice makes me want to kill small animals." He went through a lot in his younger -- my divorce from his father; then my abusive second marriage. I'm sure those thing affected him tremendously. My husband (of 15 years) Steve IS his "father" and they're like two peas in a pod.